How strong am I?

This is one of the questions that I keep on asking to myself. Really. How strong am I?

If you’ still couldn’t catch the drift, I am actually referring to my state of being as an English teacher in a school in the middle of an island. *Trying to be dramatic here : failed*

Some of you (fellow teachers) might experience the same situation as I am in at the moment i.e. teaching English to students with extremely poor proficiency. However, before I go on with my ramblings throughout this post or even this entire blog, I would like to make it clear to all the readers that I am not merely expressing my complains and badmouthing about my career and my workplace. I am just simply expressing my personal feelings/thought about the things that I go through on daily basis as a teacher.

I graduated with the degree in TESL (Teaching of English as a Second Language) and I’ve been given the privilege to teach according to my option which is English language. Therefore, it is my job to enter the class and teach those kids the English language – proper grammar, pronunciation and whatnot.

I was given two classes which, apparently, have extreme level (in terms of academic achievement). I’m talking about extremely poor proficiency. It’s extremely low up to the level that they can’t even name the days in the week in the correct order. They can’t even name the basic body parts (such mouth, nose, ear) in English. I’m not being too dramatic here but this is true: they can’t read in English and even in BM as well!

The thing is, I can somehow still accept the fact that they have super low proficiency in the target language however I can’t accept the fact and it irks me a lot when the students think they know everything! In other words, their level of ego is super high. Few days ago I utilised a worksheet taken from a primary one workbook in my Form 3 class. Few of the students questioned me on the reason why I used such kiddish activity for them. Initially I ignored it and distributed the so-called kiddish worksheets to them. They laughed after looking at the worksheets with all the simple illustrations in it. So, I gave them around 30 mins to complete the task. Let me reiterate, the work that was given for them was actually meant for year one students not form three students!

Guess what. All of the students did not even manage to complete the task! I was so frustrated and I unintentionally went on rage in the class. Not because they did not get to complete the task but because the fact that they thought the task that was given to them was below their standard! At that moment I literally felt like leaving my footprints on their face! Talking about standard huh?  Luckily I did not do anything stupid that would actually jeopardize my job. I regained my composure and moved on.

On the following day, I entered the class once again with my initial plan of teaching them some basic vocabulary. One of the students, with his utmost confidence, asked me, “Kau ajar kami ka?” I was like…WTF?? How dare you asked me that? I literally entered the class for the past few weeks! And yes, he even used the word “Kau” when talking to me! Imbecile!

With the expectation to complete the syllabus and others sorts of requirement, I’m feeling less confident and getting clueless on how and what (items) to teach them.

How long can I stay strong? I know, most people keep on telling me that I can do it and to be patient. I’ve also received numerous good-luck wishes. I thank everyone for their nice thoughts and motivational words. Unfortunately, those well-wishes seem to be meaningless sometimes. Let’s just put it this way: it is easier said than done. Enough said.

There’s still a long way to go…*sigh*